SUN, SEX, AND ALCOHOL: THE 43 STAGES OF A LAD’S HOLIDAY

If there’s one rite of passage every man needs to experience at least once, it’s the lad’s holiday: a parent and partner free week of sun, sex, and lots of booze.
Whether you go to Magaluf or Malia; Ibiza or Ayia Napa, there’s a few things, good, bad, and downright ugly, that you can be bet your spending money will happen at least once….

1. 7am: arrive at airport. Custom t-shirts? Standard.

2. Navigate security. Someone gets stripsearched. Brilliant.

 

3. Unless it’s you.

4. Security done. Now for the reason you came on a lad’s holiday – the 8am binge:

 

 Best. Idea. Ever.

Until…

5. “Final call for flight…”

 

6. Plane boarded – just. Time for a quick celebration.

 

7. Next: inflight entertainment.

 

8. It won’t be long before somebody hits on the staff.

 

9. And someone is sick in their cup.  

 

10. Eventually most of you will succumb to the temptations of sleep.

 (hey, it was an early start)

11. And you’ll finally arrive at your destination. The battle of the baggage claim begins.

 

12. Bags secured, it’s time to board the transfer bus for 40 minutes of being too polite to tell someone to move over.

13. But you’ll eventually reach your hotel. With high expectations.

Fail

 

14. You get checked in. Room located. Five people. Four beds.

 

Loser gets the bath.

15. Thought you could have a nap? You thought wrong… So wrong.

16. The night starts like this:

18. Until you all think “fuck it”, and just drink from a bucket.

 

19. Trying to act ‘macho’ will definitely go wrong.

 

20. And even your very best chat up lines will fail a few times.

21. You’ll break out a few moves, thinking you look like this:

22. When really looking like this:

23. Not throwing up will become a distant memory.

24. And when the sun comes up, you’ll realise the fight over the beds really didn’t matter.

25. Afternoon comes – too soon. Think you had a great, trouble-free evening? Wait until you’re told what really happened.

You all vow to take it easy tonight. After the night you had, of course you will, won’t you?  

26. Time to hit the beach. Sunscreen? Who needs sunscreen?

27. In reality, you realise it’s probably a good idea. Just don’t trust your ‘friends’ with it.

28. Beach activities will include helping out the mate who’s always wanted to know what it feels like to be a chick.

29. And the one who took “I don’t need sunscreen” too far…

30. Before you know it the sun will go down again. “Let’s just have a couple” you’ll say. The night starts civilised.

31. But quickly goes downhill:

32. You can’t blame a guy for trying some more. 

33. And for giving you memories you’ll never be able to erase.

34. At least one of you is eventually going to break down.

35. There’ll be some moving displays of affection.

36. And some deep feelings will be revealed.

37. But whatever happens, the important thing is that you always carry on.

Until the final night arrives…

38. When the thought of another drink makes you feel… 

But no one wants to be the one to admit it.

39. So you do it anyway. The next day you’re regretting it. Bad.

40. Except for that one ‘sensible’ friend.

Who you now hate. At least until you get home.

41. The journey from hell begins.

42. And when you eventually get back, you give your lift from the airport a detailed answer when they ask how your holiday was.

43. But inside, you’re all like…

And you can’t wait to do it all over again.